2022 Semester 01
L.Smith
(67337163)
&
,Contents
Theme 1. Understanding Couples ............................................................................................................................... 2
Theme 2. Changes Couples go Through ...................................................................................................................... 8
Theme 3. Couples Counselling Theories....................................................................................................................16
Theme 4. Couples Counselling ...................................................................................................................................33
Theme 5. The Counselling Process ............................................................................................................................39
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION......................................................................................................................................49
GLOSSARY & ABBREVIATIONS ...................................................................................................................................52
REFERENCE LIST ..........................................................................................................................................................53
SUMMARY MGG2601 – Marriage Guidance & Counselling [L.Smith 67337163] Page 1
,Theme 1. Understanding Couples
1. Tripod of Couple Relationships (Ruth Keech, 1993) Page
3
1.1 Passionate Attraction
o Intensely pleasurable sensations when thinking about / being with a new partner
o Common symptoms: blushing, trembling, stammering, breathlessness, heightened sexual desire
o Apparent shared beliefs &/ attitudes
o Commonly referred to as infatuation: a passing (foolish & unreasoning) love that the other person may not even know about
o Infatuation = idealisation (Muller, 2002) that is a normal phase in the process of relationships
o Relationships based on infatuation alone are usually doomed to fail 4
Love o Encompasses all 3 legs of the tripod
o Love = active concern for the life & growth of the other person (Keech, 1984)
o Love is deep, unselfish, caring and involves respect for one another
5
Haucks basic
principles of Love
o Actions speak louder than words
If partners fulfil each other’s needs, or at least recognise that it is important to do so, they are
likely to feel positively towards each other
Couples must consciously review one another’s needs and work towards helping one another 6
with fulfilling them (people and their needs change with time)
Wants often confused with needs
o Reciprocal investment from both parties
Each person must make an investment into a relationship that he/she is capable of making and
which fulfils the partner’s needs
Reciprocation in the form of making positive attempts to satisfy the other’s needs
Both must contribute positive actions &/ make some sacrifices
Efforts must be reciprocal and reasonably equitable
SUMMARY MGG2601 – Marriage Guidance & Counselling [L.Smith 67337163] Page 2
, o Management
Couples must develop explicit rules to ensure that the relationship remains mutually satisfying
(ie. resolving conflicts and make mutually satisfying decisions)
o Being reasonably content 7
Partners should take stock of each other’s strengths & weaknesses and this must be weighed
up in order to establish whether it can be tolerated without resentment
Work together towards a greater acceptance of each other so as to recognise the relationship
for its merits
Hauck’s Theory of The theory proposes that it is not the people we love, but the extent to which they fulfil or enable us to
Love fulfil our needs. People change and are never constant because of their forever changing life experiences.
This suggests that the extent to which a partner can fulfil his or her partner’s needs also changes. The
emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual and physical changes that a person undergoes seldom occur with
synchronicity in intimate relationships. As a result, feelings of love will never be constant – love grows or
wanes based on the extent to which the couple can satisfy each other’s needs.
Hauck suggested that love really involves a process of couples taking stock of their partner’s strengths and
weaknesses and weighing these up to see if they can be tolerated without resentment. Realistically, in
couple relationships, the goal is to be just reasonable content.
1.2 Mutual Expectations
o Partners have to explicitly state what they want and need 8
o Must beware of expectations that are unrealistic and assumptions that the other person automatically knows what the
other’s wants & needs are
Myths o Common expectations that are unrealistic (towards partner and self):
o Expectations often introjected from own origin family, society or media and are not always
relevant to the relationship = known as relationship myths
o Common myths:
If we love each other we should be happy at all times
We should always be completely honest with each other, regardless of the impact on our 9
partner
We should want to be together all of the time and be unselfish with our time
We should agree on every issue in order to support each other
If we have a problem, we must decide who is to blame
We know what the other is thinking, so we do not need to communicate
Good relationships just happen and do not need to be worked on or re-evaluated 10
If we create joint activities, we’ll be close forever
We don’t need friends or family as long as we have each other
Roles & o Traditionally differs based on gender-roles 11
Responsibilities o These expectations aren’t as rigid in modern relationships anymore
o Some feel, however, that modern relationships are too fickle and poor role descriptions tend to
cause conflict
o Individual wants & needs should be clear and must be negotiated constantly
Life Events o Often ideas and expectations are not made explicit amongst partners
o Hopes and dreams must be discussed dearly in a relationship to prevent arguments later-on
o It is often taken for granted that life together will unfold precisely according to sequential stages
o Couples neglect to envisage life’s surprises and are inadequately prepared for challenges that most
SUMMARY MGG2601 – Marriage Guidance & Counselling [L.Smith 67337163] Page 3
L.Smith
(67337163)
&
,Contents
Theme 1. Understanding Couples ............................................................................................................................... 2
Theme 2. Changes Couples go Through ...................................................................................................................... 8
Theme 3. Couples Counselling Theories....................................................................................................................16
Theme 4. Couples Counselling ...................................................................................................................................33
Theme 5. The Counselling Process ............................................................................................................................39
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION......................................................................................................................................49
GLOSSARY & ABBREVIATIONS ...................................................................................................................................52
REFERENCE LIST ..........................................................................................................................................................53
SUMMARY MGG2601 – Marriage Guidance & Counselling [L.Smith 67337163] Page 1
,Theme 1. Understanding Couples
1. Tripod of Couple Relationships (Ruth Keech, 1993) Page
3
1.1 Passionate Attraction
o Intensely pleasurable sensations when thinking about / being with a new partner
o Common symptoms: blushing, trembling, stammering, breathlessness, heightened sexual desire
o Apparent shared beliefs &/ attitudes
o Commonly referred to as infatuation: a passing (foolish & unreasoning) love that the other person may not even know about
o Infatuation = idealisation (Muller, 2002) that is a normal phase in the process of relationships
o Relationships based on infatuation alone are usually doomed to fail 4
Love o Encompasses all 3 legs of the tripod
o Love = active concern for the life & growth of the other person (Keech, 1984)
o Love is deep, unselfish, caring and involves respect for one another
5
Haucks basic
principles of Love
o Actions speak louder than words
If partners fulfil each other’s needs, or at least recognise that it is important to do so, they are
likely to feel positively towards each other
Couples must consciously review one another’s needs and work towards helping one another 6
with fulfilling them (people and their needs change with time)
Wants often confused with needs
o Reciprocal investment from both parties
Each person must make an investment into a relationship that he/she is capable of making and
which fulfils the partner’s needs
Reciprocation in the form of making positive attempts to satisfy the other’s needs
Both must contribute positive actions &/ make some sacrifices
Efforts must be reciprocal and reasonably equitable
SUMMARY MGG2601 – Marriage Guidance & Counselling [L.Smith 67337163] Page 2
, o Management
Couples must develop explicit rules to ensure that the relationship remains mutually satisfying
(ie. resolving conflicts and make mutually satisfying decisions)
o Being reasonably content 7
Partners should take stock of each other’s strengths & weaknesses and this must be weighed
up in order to establish whether it can be tolerated without resentment
Work together towards a greater acceptance of each other so as to recognise the relationship
for its merits
Hauck’s Theory of The theory proposes that it is not the people we love, but the extent to which they fulfil or enable us to
Love fulfil our needs. People change and are never constant because of their forever changing life experiences.
This suggests that the extent to which a partner can fulfil his or her partner’s needs also changes. The
emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual and physical changes that a person undergoes seldom occur with
synchronicity in intimate relationships. As a result, feelings of love will never be constant – love grows or
wanes based on the extent to which the couple can satisfy each other’s needs.
Hauck suggested that love really involves a process of couples taking stock of their partner’s strengths and
weaknesses and weighing these up to see if they can be tolerated without resentment. Realistically, in
couple relationships, the goal is to be just reasonable content.
1.2 Mutual Expectations
o Partners have to explicitly state what they want and need 8
o Must beware of expectations that are unrealistic and assumptions that the other person automatically knows what the
other’s wants & needs are
Myths o Common expectations that are unrealistic (towards partner and self):
o Expectations often introjected from own origin family, society or media and are not always
relevant to the relationship = known as relationship myths
o Common myths:
If we love each other we should be happy at all times
We should always be completely honest with each other, regardless of the impact on our 9
partner
We should want to be together all of the time and be unselfish with our time
We should agree on every issue in order to support each other
If we have a problem, we must decide who is to blame
We know what the other is thinking, so we do not need to communicate
Good relationships just happen and do not need to be worked on or re-evaluated 10
If we create joint activities, we’ll be close forever
We don’t need friends or family as long as we have each other
Roles & o Traditionally differs based on gender-roles 11
Responsibilities o These expectations aren’t as rigid in modern relationships anymore
o Some feel, however, that modern relationships are too fickle and poor role descriptions tend to
cause conflict
o Individual wants & needs should be clear and must be negotiated constantly
Life Events o Often ideas and expectations are not made explicit amongst partners
o Hopes and dreams must be discussed dearly in a relationship to prevent arguments later-on
o It is often taken for granted that life together will unfold precisely according to sequential stages
o Couples neglect to envisage life’s surprises and are inadequately prepared for challenges that most
SUMMARY MGG2601 – Marriage Guidance & Counselling [L.Smith 67337163] Page 3
