Chapter One
Shame On You!
What exactly is this potent force called shame? We find
this word often linked with "guilt" and "guilt and shame"
used as if they were one descriptive term. Both words
derive from similar Old English roots, but there is a definite
difference between the two.
GUILT:
The biblical meaning of guilt is “responsibility”. It is an
emotion that results from violating an accepted standard by
a definite, voluntary act. It is concerned with doing or lack
of doing, sins of commission or omission--failing to do
something right or doing something you know to be wrong.
Guilt results in taking personal responsibility for such
actions
Common sources of guilt include acts of dishonesty, lying,
stealing, selfishness, cheating, infidelity, and hurting
others. Guilt says to your conscience, "You made a
mistake. What you did was bad." Guilt distinguishes us
from psychopaths who commit grievous offenses without
conscience.
SHAME:
Shame, on the other hand, means "to cover up and to
envelop" and it is concerned with being rather than doing.
Shame says, "You are no good, you are bad, you are
inadequate. Shame on you!"
11
,The Apostle Paul illustrates the difference between guilt
and shame when he says, "For the good that I will to do, I
do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice"
(Romans 7:19). That is guilt emanating from doing. Then
Paul agonizes, "Oh wretched man that I am! Who will
deliver me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24). This
is a cry of a tormented soul experiencing the shame of
being.
SHAME IS SPIRITUAL BANKRUPTCY
Shame is more than remorse for an act, regret, or a feeling
of responsibility. It is internalized disgrace, humiliation,
and degradation. Psychologist John Bradshaw portrays
shame as hopelessness and spiritual bankruptcy and
describes it as:
"A state of being, a core identity. Shame gives you
a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and
falling short as a human being. Shame is a rupture
of the self with the self. It is like internal bleeding...
An inner torment, a sickness of the soul. A shame-
based person is haunted by a sense of absence and
emptiness." [1]
Lewis B. Smedes, a professor at Fuller Theological
Seminary, defines shame as:
"A vague, undefined heaviness that presses on our
spirit, dampens our gratitude for the goodness of
life, and slackens the free flow of joy. Shame...seeps
into and discolors all our other feelings, primarily
about ourselves, but about almost everyone and
everything else in our life as well." [2]
12
,Shame drives you on a hunting expedition into your past,
scrutinizing everything you have done wrong and building
a case against you like an aggressive prosecutor in a court
of law. Many of you reading these pages can readily
identify with this description because "court" is in session
daily in your own mind. The prosecutor raises the issues
of...
...Your failed marriage.
...That aborted or abandoned child.
...Past criminal or sinful actions.
...A lost opportunity, a word spoken in
anger, or an affirmation withheld in
bitterness.
Relentlessly, the internal interrogation continues.
Guilt leads to godly sorrow which results in confessing and
repenting of wrong doing. Paul explains that the Old
Testament law was designed for this purpose:
Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to
those who are under the law, that every mouth may
be stopped, and all the world may become guilty
before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law no
flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is
the knowledge of sin. (Romans 3:19-20)
James explains that whoever keeps the whole law and yet
offends in one point is guilty of all (James 2:10). Such
overwhelming guilt was designed by God to direct us to
Jesus Christ...
...Whom God set forth as a propitiation by His
blood, through faith, to demonstrate His
righteousness, because in His forbearance God had
passed over the sins that were previously
13
, committed...Therefore we conclude that a man is
justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law.
(Romans 3:25, 28)
Guilt produces godly sorrow which leads to repentance
which results in salvation:
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to
salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the
world produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)
The "sorrow of the world" is shame because, left
unresolved, it leads to death. Dr. Paul Tournier explains
that shame is negative if denied and guilt is positive if
acknowledged and confessed:
"It is abundantly clear that no man lives free of
guilt. Guilt is universal. But according as it is
repressed or recognized, so it sets in motion one of
two contradictory processes; repressed, it leads to
anger, rebellion, fear, and anxiety, a deadening of
conscience, an increasing inability to recognize
one's faults, and a growing dominance of
aggressive tendencies. But consciously recognized,
it leads to repentance, to the peace and security of
divine pardon..." [3]
THE SEQUENCE OF SHAME
Shame is associated with the loss of respect by others and
the eradication of self-respect. It prohibits intimacy with
God because we feel unworthy. Unlike guilt, which is
resolved by confession and repentance, shame becomes an
identity.
14
Shame On You!
What exactly is this potent force called shame? We find
this word often linked with "guilt" and "guilt and shame"
used as if they were one descriptive term. Both words
derive from similar Old English roots, but there is a definite
difference between the two.
GUILT:
The biblical meaning of guilt is “responsibility”. It is an
emotion that results from violating an accepted standard by
a definite, voluntary act. It is concerned with doing or lack
of doing, sins of commission or omission--failing to do
something right or doing something you know to be wrong.
Guilt results in taking personal responsibility for such
actions
Common sources of guilt include acts of dishonesty, lying,
stealing, selfishness, cheating, infidelity, and hurting
others. Guilt says to your conscience, "You made a
mistake. What you did was bad." Guilt distinguishes us
from psychopaths who commit grievous offenses without
conscience.
SHAME:
Shame, on the other hand, means "to cover up and to
envelop" and it is concerned with being rather than doing.
Shame says, "You are no good, you are bad, you are
inadequate. Shame on you!"
11
,The Apostle Paul illustrates the difference between guilt
and shame when he says, "For the good that I will to do, I
do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice"
(Romans 7:19). That is guilt emanating from doing. Then
Paul agonizes, "Oh wretched man that I am! Who will
deliver me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24). This
is a cry of a tormented soul experiencing the shame of
being.
SHAME IS SPIRITUAL BANKRUPTCY
Shame is more than remorse for an act, regret, or a feeling
of responsibility. It is internalized disgrace, humiliation,
and degradation. Psychologist John Bradshaw portrays
shame as hopelessness and spiritual bankruptcy and
describes it as:
"A state of being, a core identity. Shame gives you
a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and
falling short as a human being. Shame is a rupture
of the self with the self. It is like internal bleeding...
An inner torment, a sickness of the soul. A shame-
based person is haunted by a sense of absence and
emptiness." [1]
Lewis B. Smedes, a professor at Fuller Theological
Seminary, defines shame as:
"A vague, undefined heaviness that presses on our
spirit, dampens our gratitude for the goodness of
life, and slackens the free flow of joy. Shame...seeps
into and discolors all our other feelings, primarily
about ourselves, but about almost everyone and
everything else in our life as well." [2]
12
,Shame drives you on a hunting expedition into your past,
scrutinizing everything you have done wrong and building
a case against you like an aggressive prosecutor in a court
of law. Many of you reading these pages can readily
identify with this description because "court" is in session
daily in your own mind. The prosecutor raises the issues
of...
...Your failed marriage.
...That aborted or abandoned child.
...Past criminal or sinful actions.
...A lost opportunity, a word spoken in
anger, or an affirmation withheld in
bitterness.
Relentlessly, the internal interrogation continues.
Guilt leads to godly sorrow which results in confessing and
repenting of wrong doing. Paul explains that the Old
Testament law was designed for this purpose:
Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to
those who are under the law, that every mouth may
be stopped, and all the world may become guilty
before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law no
flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is
the knowledge of sin. (Romans 3:19-20)
James explains that whoever keeps the whole law and yet
offends in one point is guilty of all (James 2:10). Such
overwhelming guilt was designed by God to direct us to
Jesus Christ...
...Whom God set forth as a propitiation by His
blood, through faith, to demonstrate His
righteousness, because in His forbearance God had
passed over the sins that were previously
13
, committed...Therefore we conclude that a man is
justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law.
(Romans 3:25, 28)
Guilt produces godly sorrow which leads to repentance
which results in salvation:
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to
salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the
world produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)
The "sorrow of the world" is shame because, left
unresolved, it leads to death. Dr. Paul Tournier explains
that shame is negative if denied and guilt is positive if
acknowledged and confessed:
"It is abundantly clear that no man lives free of
guilt. Guilt is universal. But according as it is
repressed or recognized, so it sets in motion one of
two contradictory processes; repressed, it leads to
anger, rebellion, fear, and anxiety, a deadening of
conscience, an increasing inability to recognize
one's faults, and a growing dominance of
aggressive tendencies. But consciously recognized,
it leads to repentance, to the peace and security of
divine pardon..." [3]
THE SEQUENCE OF SHAME
Shame is associated with the loss of respect by others and
the eradication of self-respect. It prohibits intimacy with
God because we feel unworthy. Unlike guilt, which is
resolved by confession and repentance, shame becomes an
identity.
14
