Why is it so hard for men and women to understand each other?
Charlotte investigates the various components responsible for the lack of understanding between
men and women.
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Two different species; two different tribes. But do we
really speak a different language? Do we really have the same brain? Why is it so hard to
communicate?
Studies have shown that both genders act in a certain way in social situations, better known as ‘The
Difference Model’ which highlights the main differences between male and female language,
reinforcing the difficulty of both species to understand each other. Most importantly, Deborah
Tannen’s 6 key differences expose the gulf between men and women’s lexicon and their difficulty to
understand each other in day to day life. These key differences form the basis for the
misunderstanding between men and women. We are simply two tribes at war. Women desire
support and seek approval; contrasted to men who are competitive, status-hungry beasts wanting to
assert authority and keep with their hegemonic role as the breadwinner. Moreover, women are
more emotional species, longing emotional support and validation from others. Whereas, men are
driven by facts and information; valuing statistics over emotions. Furthermore, Tannen’s ideology of
‘Conflict V Compromise’ highlights the inability for men and women to understand each other as
men purely ‘see red’ opposed to women who attempt to negotiate and solve problems: taking a
more pacifist approach. Tannen’s research highlights the underlying differences which alludes to the
idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus; from two opposing worlds.
However, with the rise of the new ‘Metrosexual’ male, the boundaries between male and females
seem to be slowly eradicated and subsequently, blurred. Men are increasingly utilising female
linguistic structures and adopting a largely female lexicon. Furthermore, increasingly women seem
to be adopting linguistic structures coined by males, utilising sports analogies and adopting taboo
lexis. This diversity and difference between the two species are gradually eroding. The investigation
into ‘Polari’, better known as the language of homosexuals, was invented in order for gay people to
communicate when homosexuality was illegal. The presence of ‘Polari’ forces us to consider the
theory of diversity within our genders. ‘Polari’ enabled many homosexuals throughout the 20 th
century to diverge from the specific lexicon of hegemonic, heterosexual men. All of these contrasting
and different sociolects and dialects seem to suggest that the inability to understand each other is
not down to sex - it’s down to society shaping different dialects and our language is used to reflect
our own personal identities. Subsequently, our mindsets, morals and beliefs are correlating. We are
no longer two opposing forces; we are now united. One unit. One tribe.
Moreover, although society seems to be evolving and mindsets are shifting, Otto Jesperson’s ‘Deficit
Approach’, coined in 1922, argued that that the difference between the lexis of men and women
largely reflects the differences in the way that these two genders communicate. He also added that
linguistically, women are quicker to learn, listen and answer than men. Therefore, the previous
subordination of women has characterised the differences between the lexicon of men and women;
and it is this deep-rooted prejudice towards women from the past which has resulted in a great deal
of misunderstanding and communication between the two tribes. Jespersen states that men swear,
use machine imagery to refer to women, constantly speak about sport, command others and
embrace conflict. Whereas, women are seen to be emotional beings, who support one another, ask
questions and use standard English. However, although Jespersen coined this theory, his research is
often branded as ‘folklore linguistics’ so lacks legitimacy. It could be argued that the date of his
Charlotte investigates the various components responsible for the lack of understanding between
men and women.
Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Two different species; two different tribes. But do we
really speak a different language? Do we really have the same brain? Why is it so hard to
communicate?
Studies have shown that both genders act in a certain way in social situations, better known as ‘The
Difference Model’ which highlights the main differences between male and female language,
reinforcing the difficulty of both species to understand each other. Most importantly, Deborah
Tannen’s 6 key differences expose the gulf between men and women’s lexicon and their difficulty to
understand each other in day to day life. These key differences form the basis for the
misunderstanding between men and women. We are simply two tribes at war. Women desire
support and seek approval; contrasted to men who are competitive, status-hungry beasts wanting to
assert authority and keep with their hegemonic role as the breadwinner. Moreover, women are
more emotional species, longing emotional support and validation from others. Whereas, men are
driven by facts and information; valuing statistics over emotions. Furthermore, Tannen’s ideology of
‘Conflict V Compromise’ highlights the inability for men and women to understand each other as
men purely ‘see red’ opposed to women who attempt to negotiate and solve problems: taking a
more pacifist approach. Tannen’s research highlights the underlying differences which alludes to the
idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus; from two opposing worlds.
However, with the rise of the new ‘Metrosexual’ male, the boundaries between male and females
seem to be slowly eradicated and subsequently, blurred. Men are increasingly utilising female
linguistic structures and adopting a largely female lexicon. Furthermore, increasingly women seem
to be adopting linguistic structures coined by males, utilising sports analogies and adopting taboo
lexis. This diversity and difference between the two species are gradually eroding. The investigation
into ‘Polari’, better known as the language of homosexuals, was invented in order for gay people to
communicate when homosexuality was illegal. The presence of ‘Polari’ forces us to consider the
theory of diversity within our genders. ‘Polari’ enabled many homosexuals throughout the 20 th
century to diverge from the specific lexicon of hegemonic, heterosexual men. All of these contrasting
and different sociolects and dialects seem to suggest that the inability to understand each other is
not down to sex - it’s down to society shaping different dialects and our language is used to reflect
our own personal identities. Subsequently, our mindsets, morals and beliefs are correlating. We are
no longer two opposing forces; we are now united. One unit. One tribe.
Moreover, although society seems to be evolving and mindsets are shifting, Otto Jesperson’s ‘Deficit
Approach’, coined in 1922, argued that that the difference between the lexis of men and women
largely reflects the differences in the way that these two genders communicate. He also added that
linguistically, women are quicker to learn, listen and answer than men. Therefore, the previous
subordination of women has characterised the differences between the lexicon of men and women;
and it is this deep-rooted prejudice towards women from the past which has resulted in a great deal
of misunderstanding and communication between the two tribes. Jespersen states that men swear,
use machine imagery to refer to women, constantly speak about sport, command others and
embrace conflict. Whereas, women are seen to be emotional beings, who support one another, ask
questions and use standard English. However, although Jespersen coined this theory, his research is
often branded as ‘folklore linguistics’ so lacks legitimacy. It could be argued that the date of his
