In their presentations of family relationships, we either find distress or distaste rather than
celebration. In light of this comment explore connections between Larkin and Duffy’s
presentations of family relationships.
Despite Larkin's poetry being written in post-war England and Duffy's in post-Thatcher
Britain, both poets explore the universal theme of family. They convey a sense of distress and
dissatisfaction in family relationships over time, as seen in Larkin's "Reference Back" and
"Dockery and Son." While Duffy offers a more balanced perspective with celebratory
elements in "Before You Were Mine," she aligns more closely with Larkin's somber view in
"Litany." Critic Jody Allen Randolph aptly notes that "Duffy shares Larkin's tragic view on
life," highlighting the underlying resonance between their works despite their different
contexts.
Both Larkin and Duffy convey distaste and distress in ‘Reference Back’ and ‘Litany’ where
there is a lack of communication and there is a distinct separation between the speaker and
their family. Larkin’s ‘Reference Back’ presents a seemingly simple event – a visit to his
mother - to explore the themes of alienation and the passage of time. The opening of the
poem describes how he ‘heard [her] call /From the unsatisfactory call/ To the unsatisfactory
room. Possibly based on Larkin’s visit to his own mother in 1955, the speaker conveys a
dissatisfaction in the relationship through the transferred epithet of ‘unsatisfactory’. The
physical distance between the speaker and his mother may symbolise the emotional gap that
has developed between them as he has grown older. The speaker's distaste is further
expressed through their contrasting attitudes: the speaker feels he is 'wasting [his] time at
home, that [she] looked so much forward to'. Larkin illustrates this emotional distance by
highlighting the stark contrast between the speaker's disinterest and the mother's expectation
and joy, underscoring the mother's loneliness in their relationship. However, a brief
connection is forged through their shared experience of listening to the speaker's favourite
music, as he reflects on how 'three decades later made this sudden bridge'. Here, the
polysemous image of the bridge metaphorically connects the mother and son, yet this
connection is undercut by the mother's lack of understanding of the speaker's music,
dismissing it as a 'pretty one'. This further emphasises their differences and the speaker's
reluctance to visit his mother. Larkin uses rhyming couplets to convey how the speaker feels
entrapped in the relationship. The first and last rhyming couplet describe his mother's actions,
and between them the couplets describe himself, showing how Larkin creates a sense of
distaste and entrapment within the structure of the poem, emphasising the speaker's feelings
of ‘wasting...time’. The rhyming couplets marked by the different line lengths may represent
the fluctuant nature of human existence subtly underpinned by hope, reflecting that there may
be a chance of celebration in the relationship, not exclusively distaste. Gregory Dowling
observes that ‘Larkin has an acute awareness of the passing of time and age’, which is
evident in ‘Reference Back’ as he describes how their ‘element is time’. This suggests that
although the speaker is emotionally distant and resentful towards his mother, it allows him to
gain ‘long perspectives’, not only about familial relationships but also about his own life’s
trajectory. Thus, Larkin communicates a crucial link between the passage of time and the
paths one takes in life, influencing one’s outlook and willingness to engage in family
relationships.
celebration. In light of this comment explore connections between Larkin and Duffy’s
presentations of family relationships.
Despite Larkin's poetry being written in post-war England and Duffy's in post-Thatcher
Britain, both poets explore the universal theme of family. They convey a sense of distress and
dissatisfaction in family relationships over time, as seen in Larkin's "Reference Back" and
"Dockery and Son." While Duffy offers a more balanced perspective with celebratory
elements in "Before You Were Mine," she aligns more closely with Larkin's somber view in
"Litany." Critic Jody Allen Randolph aptly notes that "Duffy shares Larkin's tragic view on
life," highlighting the underlying resonance between their works despite their different
contexts.
Both Larkin and Duffy convey distaste and distress in ‘Reference Back’ and ‘Litany’ where
there is a lack of communication and there is a distinct separation between the speaker and
their family. Larkin’s ‘Reference Back’ presents a seemingly simple event – a visit to his
mother - to explore the themes of alienation and the passage of time. The opening of the
poem describes how he ‘heard [her] call /From the unsatisfactory call/ To the unsatisfactory
room. Possibly based on Larkin’s visit to his own mother in 1955, the speaker conveys a
dissatisfaction in the relationship through the transferred epithet of ‘unsatisfactory’. The
physical distance between the speaker and his mother may symbolise the emotional gap that
has developed between them as he has grown older. The speaker's distaste is further
expressed through their contrasting attitudes: the speaker feels he is 'wasting [his] time at
home, that [she] looked so much forward to'. Larkin illustrates this emotional distance by
highlighting the stark contrast between the speaker's disinterest and the mother's expectation
and joy, underscoring the mother's loneliness in their relationship. However, a brief
connection is forged through their shared experience of listening to the speaker's favourite
music, as he reflects on how 'three decades later made this sudden bridge'. Here, the
polysemous image of the bridge metaphorically connects the mother and son, yet this
connection is undercut by the mother's lack of understanding of the speaker's music,
dismissing it as a 'pretty one'. This further emphasises their differences and the speaker's
reluctance to visit his mother. Larkin uses rhyming couplets to convey how the speaker feels
entrapped in the relationship. The first and last rhyming couplet describe his mother's actions,
and between them the couplets describe himself, showing how Larkin creates a sense of
distaste and entrapment within the structure of the poem, emphasising the speaker's feelings
of ‘wasting...time’. The rhyming couplets marked by the different line lengths may represent
the fluctuant nature of human existence subtly underpinned by hope, reflecting that there may
be a chance of celebration in the relationship, not exclusively distaste. Gregory Dowling
observes that ‘Larkin has an acute awareness of the passing of time and age’, which is
evident in ‘Reference Back’ as he describes how their ‘element is time’. This suggests that
although the speaker is emotionally distant and resentful towards his mother, it allows him to
gain ‘long perspectives’, not only about familial relationships but also about his own life’s
trajectory. Thus, Larkin communicates a crucial link between the passage of time and the
paths one takes in life, influencing one’s outlook and willingness to engage in family
relationships.
