Gordon and Covey lectures
Gordon: skills that help group members solve their problems
There are six steps through the process of problem-solving:
1. Identifying and defining the problem
2. Generating alternative solutions
3. Evaluating the alternative solutions
4. Decision-making
5. Implementing the decision
6. Following up to evaluate the solution
There are a number of responses that facilitate problem-solving:
- Door openers; ask about the problem to ‘open the door’ to talk about it
- Passive listening; the sender is talking about the problem and the receiver shuts up so the sender
feels listened to
- Acknowledgement responses; the sender is talking about the problem but the receiver
acknowledges that they’re listening, by nodding or short responses
- Active listening; to be sure that the listener’s impression matches the helpee’s expression, the
listener must use a more active kind of listening.
Interpersonal communication
- How do people communicate their thoughts?
- Can you actually know what someone else is really thinking?
“All you can do is guess what is going on inside another, relying on interpretation of the messages
you hear.”
A sender has a thought, then comes the coding process. A message is transferred to the receiver and
then comes the decoding process.
Coding process = putting thoughts into words
Decoding process = how is the message interpreted
“This diagram of the interpersonal communication process is a visual way of showing that
communication is more than someone expressing something… [interpersonal communication]
requires the expression of a sender and the impression of a receiver.”
“Effective or completed communication only occurs when impression = expression (p. 57)
Active listening
What is active listening and how does it fit into interpersonal communication?
A listening technique to ensure that impression matches expression
A feedback loop in interpersonal communication
A technique that involves full attention
Door openers/passive listening/acknowledgement that you’re listening + feedback
, “Listeners need only restate, in their own language, their impression of the expression of the
sender.”
Each time you go through the feedback loop, you should get you closer to understanding the other.
Or, feeding back your impression should help to minimize misunderstandings.
Communication roadblocks
In short, the goals of active listening is to minimize misunderstandings. This should be done,
however, through empathy and acceptance.
Communicating a desire to change someone else “slows down or inhibits problem-solving,” which is
why I have named them the “Roadblocks to communication.”
“The roadblock communicate a desire [that the speaker should] think, feel or behave differently.
These 12 types of responses, then act as vehicles for communicating unacceptance. “
Unacceptance is such a problem because we feel threatened, judged, undervalued or condescension.
There are twelve roadblocks to communication, which slow down or inhibit problem-solving.
1. Ordering, directing, commanding; you must do this…
2. Warning, admonishing, threatening; you had better do this, or else…
3. Moralizing, preaching, imploring; you should do this…
4. Advising, giving suggestions or solutions; what I think you should do is…
5. Persuading with logic, lecturing, arguing; do you realize that…
6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming; you are acting foolish
7. Praising, agreeing, evaluating positively, buttering up; you have so much potential
8. Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming; you are a sloppy worker
9. Interpreting, analysing, diagnosing; what you really need is…
10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting; things will get better
11. Probing, questioning, interrogating; why did you do that?
12. Distracting, diverting, kidding; think about the positive side
I-message
“When the other person owns the problem, you employ listening skills. When you own the problem
you must employ assertive skills. (p. 103)
“You-messages often fail to do what they intend to accomplish.”
“You-messages usually deny people the opportunity to initiate slide 24
p. 110
Feelings + behaviour + effects
Slide 27
Gordon: skills that help group members solve their problems
There are six steps through the process of problem-solving:
1. Identifying and defining the problem
2. Generating alternative solutions
3. Evaluating the alternative solutions
4. Decision-making
5. Implementing the decision
6. Following up to evaluate the solution
There are a number of responses that facilitate problem-solving:
- Door openers; ask about the problem to ‘open the door’ to talk about it
- Passive listening; the sender is talking about the problem and the receiver shuts up so the sender
feels listened to
- Acknowledgement responses; the sender is talking about the problem but the receiver
acknowledges that they’re listening, by nodding or short responses
- Active listening; to be sure that the listener’s impression matches the helpee’s expression, the
listener must use a more active kind of listening.
Interpersonal communication
- How do people communicate their thoughts?
- Can you actually know what someone else is really thinking?
“All you can do is guess what is going on inside another, relying on interpretation of the messages
you hear.”
A sender has a thought, then comes the coding process. A message is transferred to the receiver and
then comes the decoding process.
Coding process = putting thoughts into words
Decoding process = how is the message interpreted
“This diagram of the interpersonal communication process is a visual way of showing that
communication is more than someone expressing something… [interpersonal communication]
requires the expression of a sender and the impression of a receiver.”
“Effective or completed communication only occurs when impression = expression (p. 57)
Active listening
What is active listening and how does it fit into interpersonal communication?
A listening technique to ensure that impression matches expression
A feedback loop in interpersonal communication
A technique that involves full attention
Door openers/passive listening/acknowledgement that you’re listening + feedback
, “Listeners need only restate, in their own language, their impression of the expression of the
sender.”
Each time you go through the feedback loop, you should get you closer to understanding the other.
Or, feeding back your impression should help to minimize misunderstandings.
Communication roadblocks
In short, the goals of active listening is to minimize misunderstandings. This should be done,
however, through empathy and acceptance.
Communicating a desire to change someone else “slows down or inhibits problem-solving,” which is
why I have named them the “Roadblocks to communication.”
“The roadblock communicate a desire [that the speaker should] think, feel or behave differently.
These 12 types of responses, then act as vehicles for communicating unacceptance. “
Unacceptance is such a problem because we feel threatened, judged, undervalued or condescension.
There are twelve roadblocks to communication, which slow down or inhibit problem-solving.
1. Ordering, directing, commanding; you must do this…
2. Warning, admonishing, threatening; you had better do this, or else…
3. Moralizing, preaching, imploring; you should do this…
4. Advising, giving suggestions or solutions; what I think you should do is…
5. Persuading with logic, lecturing, arguing; do you realize that…
6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming; you are acting foolish
7. Praising, agreeing, evaluating positively, buttering up; you have so much potential
8. Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming; you are a sloppy worker
9. Interpreting, analysing, diagnosing; what you really need is…
10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting; things will get better
11. Probing, questioning, interrogating; why did you do that?
12. Distracting, diverting, kidding; think about the positive side
I-message
“When the other person owns the problem, you employ listening skills. When you own the problem
you must employ assertive skills. (p. 103)
“You-messages often fail to do what they intend to accomplish.”
“You-messages usually deny people the opportunity to initiate slide 24
p. 110
Feelings + behaviour + effects
Slide 27
