Sukhjeevan Bains
Hide and Seek
Thursday 18th July 1942
Mum told us that we were playing hide and seek in the attic. She called out for me, ‘Vögelchen’. I
wasn’t listening. My sister and I were playing with my dolls. It was hilarious. We never had time to
play like we used to. Well, eventually mum had enough and forced us to play. I don’t know why. But
we all played hide and seek in the attic.
I had such a great hiding spot; it was underneath an old bed covered in sheets and dust. I knew I
couldn’t be found. Then dad came back from work. I wondered what kinds of adventures he went on
when he left the house. He never told us anything about what he would do. I wasn’t allowed to leave
home over the past few years, and whenever I asked mum, she would always tell me that ‘I’m just
too young’. But when dad came back, I knew he was helping mum find us, I could hear his footsteps
coming up the ladder, then I saw his feet. I held my breath just in case he could hear me and covered
my mouth trying to contain my laughter. But when he came up to the attic, he found my sister. She
was hiding behind a tall stack of boxes, but she started laughing when dad came to look for us. I
knew I won. When dad took Margot downstairs, he sounded angry. I never saw dad like this. He was
always the happiest person I knew; I knew something was wrong, but I was too scared to come out
from under the bed.
Friday 19th July 1942
I was laying there waiting for either mum or dad or even Margot to find me or call my name. But
when I woke up everyone else was sleeping in the attic with me. I was confused, because all our
things had been moved upstairs too. I tried to wake up dad, but he went back to sleep. I then tried
waking up mum, but she again told me that ‘I’m just too young’. I saw Margot was awake. But she
looked awful, she looked like she hadn’t slept at all, she looked like she had been crying. I asked her if
1
, Sukhjeevan Bains
she was okay, but she started sounding like mum and said I was ‘too young’. I’m still really confused
why we are all here together and no one is answering my questions. I just miss looking out of a
window and watching people outside, instead of being stuck in this dark attic, and only a small dimly
lit light in the middle the room letting us see anything. I was waiting all day for my parents to let us
out. But they never did. I tried to figure out what was in this attic, but it seemed as if we were
enclosed within a pile of boxed around us. All there was a tiny bed that I hid underneath yesterday,
some of our cloths stacked in one corner and lots of canned food stacked in another corner. Another
corner is where our bed stood and everything else felt like it was engulfed in darkness. All day we
have been eating out of these cans. The food is terrible, it just tastes like muddy water. I can’t wait to
finally have a cooked meal.
Sunday August 25th 1942
It’s been more than a month since we have been stuck in this dark dusty attic. By this point I hear
talking yet can’t hear them. Tick, tick, tick… my eyes watched the clock with great intensity, waiting
day by day, trying to figure out why we are all here. It is so boring. Tick, tick, tick. Once again
momentarily followed by deafening speaker. I’m not sure where it is coming from, but before I could
listen to hear what they were saying my parents hugged me and Margot so tight we couldn’t hear
anything else anymore. Just silence. Wake up, watch the clock, eat, sleep and repeat. Wake up, watch
the clock, eat, sleep and repeat, all day every day. Day by day my hearing slowly descended into a
muffled mess and once again I was engulfed by the feeling of pure misery. Did I know what was
wrong with me? No. Did I wish I knew? No. When a person is presented with a problem, it’s in
human nature to want to fix it yet, once you feel a certain way, you feel a sense of comfort in that
hollow yet heavy feeling which conceals your heart and mind. Not prepared to change anything, it’s
hard to imagine your life feeling any other way. It’s hard to remember how you used to feel. But not
everything needs a solution. Not everything needs to be changed.
2
Hide and Seek
Thursday 18th July 1942
Mum told us that we were playing hide and seek in the attic. She called out for me, ‘Vögelchen’. I
wasn’t listening. My sister and I were playing with my dolls. It was hilarious. We never had time to
play like we used to. Well, eventually mum had enough and forced us to play. I don’t know why. But
we all played hide and seek in the attic.
I had such a great hiding spot; it was underneath an old bed covered in sheets and dust. I knew I
couldn’t be found. Then dad came back from work. I wondered what kinds of adventures he went on
when he left the house. He never told us anything about what he would do. I wasn’t allowed to leave
home over the past few years, and whenever I asked mum, she would always tell me that ‘I’m just
too young’. But when dad came back, I knew he was helping mum find us, I could hear his footsteps
coming up the ladder, then I saw his feet. I held my breath just in case he could hear me and covered
my mouth trying to contain my laughter. But when he came up to the attic, he found my sister. She
was hiding behind a tall stack of boxes, but she started laughing when dad came to look for us. I
knew I won. When dad took Margot downstairs, he sounded angry. I never saw dad like this. He was
always the happiest person I knew; I knew something was wrong, but I was too scared to come out
from under the bed.
Friday 19th July 1942
I was laying there waiting for either mum or dad or even Margot to find me or call my name. But
when I woke up everyone else was sleeping in the attic with me. I was confused, because all our
things had been moved upstairs too. I tried to wake up dad, but he went back to sleep. I then tried
waking up mum, but she again told me that ‘I’m just too young’. I saw Margot was awake. But she
looked awful, she looked like she hadn’t slept at all, she looked like she had been crying. I asked her if
1
, Sukhjeevan Bains
she was okay, but she started sounding like mum and said I was ‘too young’. I’m still really confused
why we are all here together and no one is answering my questions. I just miss looking out of a
window and watching people outside, instead of being stuck in this dark attic, and only a small dimly
lit light in the middle the room letting us see anything. I was waiting all day for my parents to let us
out. But they never did. I tried to figure out what was in this attic, but it seemed as if we were
enclosed within a pile of boxed around us. All there was a tiny bed that I hid underneath yesterday,
some of our cloths stacked in one corner and lots of canned food stacked in another corner. Another
corner is where our bed stood and everything else felt like it was engulfed in darkness. All day we
have been eating out of these cans. The food is terrible, it just tastes like muddy water. I can’t wait to
finally have a cooked meal.
Sunday August 25th 1942
It’s been more than a month since we have been stuck in this dark dusty attic. By this point I hear
talking yet can’t hear them. Tick, tick, tick… my eyes watched the clock with great intensity, waiting
day by day, trying to figure out why we are all here. It is so boring. Tick, tick, tick. Once again
momentarily followed by deafening speaker. I’m not sure where it is coming from, but before I could
listen to hear what they were saying my parents hugged me and Margot so tight we couldn’t hear
anything else anymore. Just silence. Wake up, watch the clock, eat, sleep and repeat. Wake up, watch
the clock, eat, sleep and repeat, all day every day. Day by day my hearing slowly descended into a
muffled mess and once again I was engulfed by the feeling of pure misery. Did I know what was
wrong with me? No. Did I wish I knew? No. When a person is presented with a problem, it’s in
human nature to want to fix it yet, once you feel a certain way, you feel a sense of comfort in that
hollow yet heavy feeling which conceals your heart and mind. Not prepared to change anything, it’s
hard to imagine your life feeling any other way. It’s hard to remember how you used to feel. But not
everything needs a solution. Not everything needs to be changed.
2
